By Youer Hu, Bridgewater State University
“Excuse me. Do you see an old woman with the same height as me with a dark red knitted hat, wearing a dark blue sweater and a black jacket?” I asked that question thousands of times on the street that morning.
As anticipated, every “No” popped out from those strangers’ mouths. Some of them waved me away and hurried on to their work or the bus. Some of them just decided to ignore me, escaping me the same way a mouse would if it met a cat. Even though I wasn’t able to finish my words.
The rain scattered on the plastic sheeting above the windows made a persistent beat that seemed to echo the pulse of a coming storm. The drops slowly rolled down from the umbrella in front of the store and then dropped on my shoulder. It was really cold, which made the situation even worse.
Where is she going? I hope she would be fine and get back safely.
I pondered this thought while also worrying that she might get hit by a car or fall down on the street. I felt a warm stream welling out of my eyes as each tear mixed with the rain falling upon me. I was desperate as my granny had gone out by herself. However, nobody knew where she went.
I had been woken up by the annoying rain. “Did you wake up, Granny?” I said as I walked to Granny’s room as usual, not so awake from the sweet sleep. No one answered. Silence remained for sixty seconds. No one was there.
I was leaning against the door frame while I was yelling out to Granny, only to find the unmade quilt which was lying on the bed lifelessly. Due to the weather, it was really dingy in the room without the light on. So I flicked on the light to check whether Granny was in her room. She wasn’t? In the living room, not there either. Kitchen, No! Bathroom, not even there!! I was frantic, my breathing was chaotic. I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest. I glanced over and noticed, out of the corner of my eye, one last room, unchecked. The unlocked door stood out like a sore thumb. The unlocked door seemed to say “looked at me.”
She must have left the house!
Uncertainty suddenly overwhelming my mind, I rushed to Dad’s room and knocked on the door heavily, “Dad. Granny is out? Do you know if she went anywhere?” With just one glimpse, I could tell that Dad didn’t know where she had gone either, just by the look on his confused face.
Granny was an eighty-year-old, who hadn’t been out by herself for two years. This was due to the fact that she suffered from some chronic diseases. Any one of them could kill her in just a few minutes. So where could a woman of her age go off to? Can you imagine such a fragile lady walking unsteadily with such weak legs and bad eyesight?
So everyone in our big family set out the journey to look for Granny, forgetting to get any of our rain gear. As everyone prepared themselves, my father ran over to the phone and called the police to inform them of my granny’s disappearance. My granny’s sister-in-law even asked the Taoist priest for help. The priest gave him our good omen by saying she was currently well, but the uneasiness can’t be waved away just by those superstitious old people. But what else could I do except believe them? What else could I do?
After half day of searching, no one could have imagined that Granny would have walked this far all by herself. She couldn’t imagine either that she could be strong enough to walk across five blocks unconsciously in her early eighties. The police reached out back to us at the end of that afternoon to inform us to go to the intensive care unit. Millions of though came through my mind all at once. She would be fine just as what the Taoist priest said. We got a taxi, and it seemed that the driver might see through my mind so that he raced on the way to the hospital.
When we arrived, all of the relatives just sat on the bench outside the ICU. Granny is the oldest in our big family. She was cared about by everyone in our big family. No one was talking while sitting, with their heads deeply down, just waiting for the door to open, for some good news to come from that mysterious room.
Silence covered the hallway outside the ICU. It seemed that there was a dark cloud hovering above everyone’s head. Dad, who was usually the most optimistic person, walked back and forth aimlessly with his arms crossed behind his back. Granny’s brother stood up, wanting to look through the window only to sit back down again. Everyone was feeling differently about the situation. I just wiped every drop of my tears secretly at the very end of the corridor.
Ultimately, there came a beam of light through the crack in the door. The doctor came out with an easy look and brought us the good news, “She’s fine now but there’s just a few bruises left on her face and knees because she fell down on the sidewalk”. The lump in my heart finally disappeared after hearing these words. Thanks to the Taoist priest and our ancestors for giving her good luck! Thanks! Thanks! Thanks! Me, who had never believed in Taoism and the existence of the ancestors, thanked them from the bottom of my heart.
But just a couple of days later out of nowhere, the good news went sour. Almost every medical instrument near her bed in the ICU went wild. Doctors rushed into room attempting to find a solution to the problem. However, every second that passed made the situation turn even more dire. I watched, afraid, speechless, and for a second in disbelief as I previously thought that the ancestors had given Granny their assurance. No one talked. I could hear the doctors from other rooms speaking to their patients as we waited anxiously for the results. Once again, we remained in the hallway, hoping fate would be on our side once more.
Hours passed. As if the situation couldn’t get worse, this time, the doctor came out with an announcement we didn’t think we’d ever have to hear.
“We did everything we could”.
I was in awe. I always thought my grandmother would always be there to see me grow up. To see me succeed in life and to be there for me like she always was. In just five words, my entire world was upside down.
…
Five years have passed, those same five words still engraved into my mind. I am now sitting in front of this very computer, typing reciting this story as if it had happened yesterday.
My granny didn’t die after the doctor had given us the official announcement. We took her home, her real home in the deep mountains where she had gotten married many years prior. She survived after a Chinese family doctor came and gave Granny some traditional herbal medicine. Six months after that day during my class, my teacher suddenly came up to me. He said, “Your mother would like to speak with you on the phone.” At that time, I thought nothing of it thinking that something of unimportance had happened. However, what my mother said next struck me like a bullet through my heart. “Granny… she has passed away.” How could this have happened? She was so healthy after all that had happened and I didn’t even think that anything would occur.
Granny tried her best to hold on, but it wasn’t enough. Granny was really dead this time. I didn’t get to see her at her last moments because I chose to go to that high school, so far away from home. It was me who left her alone. If I didn’t choose to go that far, I might have seen her the last time.
But she doesn’t go far away from me. I can still remember her wrinkled hands patted on my back when I was sleeping with her. I can still remember her blue veined pulse beat while she was fed with the oxygen. I can still remember her sweaty smell lingered in the bedroom. I can still remember.
